Thursday, September 4, 2008

Amy Nom

jus' 'cause.


Thursday, August 28, 2008

Paula + Biden vs Obama = family arguments

Most of you don't know Paula. But the reason for this blog is to have a place to keep all my BS. so:


Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Thirsty Grizelda?


Dear Jean Hill,

You were splendorific as Grizelda. Your sex scene with Mink Stole was the first time I have ever seen men leave the room while two ladies were getting it on. Bravo. I cheered you killing the evil Mr. Gravel and his rot inducing touch. I welcomed you putting Peggy in her place. I laughed at your makeover. I guffaded at your dialoge. And I kicked my heels at your ability to aclimate with even the worst of surroundings (Mortville)
But most of all I lamented your untimely death. To have a house fall on you as if you were in a different move all very sad.

Jean!? Are you still alive in real life? When ever I try to search for information about you I only get hits for a woman who was near JFK when he was killed. She doesn't look like you, so I'm guessing you are just two people, two people with the same name. So I'm stuck, not knowing if you are alive. Only having three movies to see you in. And really Grizelda was your shining part. A supporting part, none of this "extra" crap.

So Desperate Living all i have is some delightful quotes:

Peggy: Go ahead, feel her up! Just like you did to me! Find em, feel em, fuck em, forget em... is THAT your new motto?
Grizelda: Zip that gaping hole of a mouth up, Peggy, before I plug it up with my fist.
Peggy: You're just like all the rest of the common dykes in this town!

Grizelda:“I am sick of listenin’ to your bitchin’. The next time you feel a fit comin’ on, go outside and bitch. Bitch at the air. Bitch at the trees. But don’t bitch at us!”

Grizelda: We killed your husband, and I ain't your maid any more, bitch! I'm yo sister in crime!

Honestly John Waters, we need more Jean Hill. But she was in A Dirty SHame, you'll say. That wasn't a part. Not a part at all John. on that note, you're not writing Mink Stole very well anymore, but that's another blog.... So come on give me more Jean


More. More Jean

John. John, more Jean, Please.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Love Child

So most soon to be parents really want to know what their baby will look like. Why? I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that knowing months ahead of time that you are going to have an ugly baby will ruin the miracle of birth.

That said, there are many websites (note: I am not sure that this is true) that will give you an idea of whether your bundle of joy will make people gasp with cuteness or horror. one of these sights is I'd like to point out here and now that I'm not sure how it works because I uploaded two ugly dogs (literally) and they came out with a human, albeit ugly, baby.

Munchkin & Sam

See human looking....

Now the reason for this post is for the baby that Salim and I will be having. I don't know if it is because Salim looks like a zombie, as mentioned in a previous post but....

Here it she is with minor edits.....

zombie baby

Monday, August 4, 2008


So many of you, Amy most of all, think Munchkin is hideous. One friend went so far as to refer to her as a creepy cat thing.

Well after months of looking at her as my work computer background I have decided that she is ugly/cute and after reading her "bio" i heart her even more. [the bio is below the pictures]

Go Munchkin!!!!!

A lovely side view for you
munchkin-side view

here we have Munchkins most unnatractive photo which i think looks like Salvador Dali:

see i went so far as to submit the comparison to a website.

salvador dali, munchkin, world's ugliest dog
see more famous faces look-a-likes

Here we have the "cute" picture I have grown to love:

And finally what she would look like with a little trim:

"Munchkin is approximately 8 years old. Her dog breed is affectionately known as a “Canardly” (as in “you can hardly tell). She
could be part affenpinscher (monkey face) terrier but her vet is convinced she is a “one of a kind” unique dog.

I saw Munchkin’s photo in 2004 on Pets Unlimited website and laughed. Anything that tickled my tummy so much has to come
home with me. I drove to San Francisco and Paulie, the adoption counselor, took me to meet Munchkin. When she waddled &
snorted her way from underneath the adoption counselor desk, tears of joy welled up. She was identical to my previous 6-time
Worlds Ugliest dog, Nana; only 15 lbs. heavier!!! I sat on the floor and she leaned against me, looking up at me with her soulful
eyes, & rolled over for me to scratch her tummy. We bonded immediately and it was if she was asking “what took you so long to
find me?” Paulie noticed it was an obvious love connection and offered an “on sale” price of $75, a substantial reduction from the
regular adoption price (little did he know, I would have happily paid any price). Munchkin had been rescued from another animal
shelter just in time and had been at Pets Unlimited for 8 months with no interest by potential adopters. Pets Unlimited is located
in the heart of San Francisco’s hills among the Victorian homes. Pets Unlimited places poster size photos of available pets in the
large windows facing the busy street. As months went by, no one came for Munchkin until I came along. Why someone couldn’t
see her beauty & charm is beyond me.

Dogs like Munchkin don’t come around that often. She is special not just for her looks – but her personality which really shines
beneath all of those extra pounds. Visually she grabs you by the eyes, but emotionally she gets right into your heart with a sweet
kiss on the face or rolling over for a belly rub. As a pet therapy volunteer, Munchkin has helped so many people heal and find
comfort – whether she’s visiting a hospital for children, who giggle in delight when they see her or at a nursing home, making each
day brighter for a lucky resident, Munchkin was meant to be in the spotlight. Although she remained in a shelter for many, many
months, ignored and shown pity by those who visited, her new life has given Munchkin a better purpose in life – to make people
smile everywhere she goes. Her rags to riches story is truly a lesson for us all to never judge a book by its cover.

The reactions when people first encounter Munchkin vary. Because she snorts when she walks, and the hair on her back is short
& wiry, people ask, “what is that pig doing here?” Other people refer to Munchkin as a relative of Don King (boxing promoter) or
Cruella De Vil (from 101 Dalmatians) because her hair around her head & neck is very long, mostly gray, and stands straight up
without any “product” assistance."

Refuse vs Refuse

Ok kids, i'm going to clear up some confusion. We all know the English language is difficult sucks. Some words are spelt the same but sound different, or sound the same but are spelt different. Come ON! Today lets look at Refuse.

–verb (used with object)
to decline to accept; to decline to give; deny.

something that is discarded as worthless or useless; rubbish; trash; garbage.

Cereal - Refuse

Make sense? If not you can message me.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I was bored

After a conversation with Amy I decided to make this

The Rocker

Monday, July 14, 2008

Batman Stuff

So occasionally I like to microsoft paint up some pictures for photoshop contests.
What's that?
Yeah I know that microsoft paint isn't photoshop at all and I don't care.

So this week was Everyday Items Batman would have. Why not.

Fresh from the Batster



Thursday, June 19, 2008

Joanna Newsom

Do me a favour and watch this movie trailer for The Strangers.

Go on. Don't be scared.

Did you notice the part with the record player? Yep. Joanna Newsom.

Apparently her music was so frightening to some they decided that the creepy, masked killers that break into this house should play her to freak out Liv Tyler.


Friday, June 13, 2008

Flow Charts

I was reading the onion today.

The article reminded me of my Cheney flowchart. Which reminded me of flowcharts. so here:


and my corn one which was deemed by nerdy internet comedy bloggers as being funny.

Corn Domination

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Salim of the Dead

Salim reminds me of a zombie from Land of the Dead. Here are the 7 reasons why:

1a. Salim drives a car
1b. The zombie worked in a gas station.

2a. Salim goes to lakes once in a while
2b. The zombie traverses water to leave the land of the dead and strike back at humanity.

3a. Salim wears collared shirts.
3b. The zombie mechanic’s onsie has a collar.

4a. Salim uses his leadership skills to instruct a murderous group of the shambling dead to enact revenge.
4b. The zombie uses his leadership skills to instruct a murderous group of the shambling dead to enact revenge.

5a. Salim shaves his head.
5b. The zombie is bald.

6a. Salim has gadgets and toys.
6b. The zombie has a weapon, which people think are toys.

7. And really, the proof is in the picture.


While we are at work I usually only see that much of Salims face. He peeks over the cubicle walls at me.


Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Stigmata #1

For years I have been plagued by stigmata. Mostly by how it would realistically effect your life. So that is basically what this is. I, thus far, have 7 strips planned.

Just thought I would explain this to my two three readers. But then I guess you could just text me if you had any questions.

Stigmata #1

Click here for #2.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Bullock-Hallal Update 22 April 2008


While drunk, Amy broke her restraining order. If any of you have ever walked the streets with Amy you'll understand her irritation and hatred towards SUVs and Hummers. She frequently flips them off.

Surprised she hasn't been shot or shot at? Me too.

So what happened? I theorize that she was shit-blasted drunk and as usual decided to flip off the SUV. Then when she was close enough to see the passengers she forgot herself. Her intention was to get as close to Sandy B as quickly as possible. Unfortunately for all involved she was driving.

Below is one of many news articles. This one is from Fox News. Amy's favorite news source, so i figure that will take the sting out of all these truth bombs I'm dropping.

drunk drivers

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Friday, April 11, 2008

Ill conceived horror movie monster

earth gets nommed

I like contests. If i make it in the article there will be a link.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Amy would hate for you to think she loves Sandra Bullock

You may have heard from Amy that she hates Sandra Bullock. You may have heard this and believed it. It is true that she is a convincing liar and even had me fooled for a while. But you have to really KNOW Amy to know how much she actually loves Sandra Bullock or as she fondly calls her Sandy B for short.

Amy owns one Sandy B movie that I know of, Love Potion #9, perhaps you've seen it, or at least seen the cover which pictures Miss Sandy B right there bigger than life.

It is my opinion that she probably has more movies hidden in her room. Think about it. I just "happened" to be around when she received Love Potion #9 in the mail. What are the odds of that? If I see her get one Sandy B movie and she is trying to convince people she hates all her movies then statistically it goes to show that she must get more of her movies frequently, when I am not there to see and hides them in her room. One can only assume that she locks her door to watch Sandy B using her headphones so no one would hear the sound of the 40+ year olds voice.

Further proof is that Amy has been known to "slip up" during holidays. I was visiting with her and her family for Thanksgiving one year and Amy INSISTED on buying The Lake House to be viewed during Thanksgiving dinner. She couldn't wait to watch it on her own, alone in her room.

And the icing on this cake of fake hate; last night, while putting Amy's mail away in her room I saw this peaking out from under one of her books. I scanned it for all to see, for all to realize what a Sandra Bullock lover she really is.


She actually went out of her way to photoshop Sandy B into a picture with her. Who would do such a thing? Nobody but a rabid fan. And as you'll soon read....a stalker.

Restraining order

I guess Amy didn't think I read the news.

For Robin

Robin requested I post my Lolcat Flowchart.

lolz! ^_^


Wednesday, April 9, 2008


So they're back. If you look at the pictures below you will see that Jordan got seriously busted.

You aren't gonna get to this girl Jordan I don't care how many steps you've got.

If memory serves: Joey, Jonathan, Donnie, Jordan, Danny

see another picture another angle and still looking AWFUL.

for all of you who don't remember what they used to look like 20yrs ago I give you this...

They are touring again which is 2parts scary and 3parts awesome. Why is it scary? These words: New Material.
I guess Donnie is done acting and is writing up some new New Kids. I worry.

That all said let's get tickets.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Is it possible to be a punk rocker in a goth gang?

First The Ramones state that Sheena is a Punk Rocker, they are rather adamant about it, they repeat it (29 amazing punk rocky times). Then we fast forward 20 years and you have The Cramps telling us that she is in a goth gang now. While they don't repeat this sentiment as much (only 14 times) they do go into detailed description of her actions in her goth gang. You know, digging up graveyards being in forbidden vampire undergrounds, gothy stuff like that.

What happened? How did this transition occur? Was the change in music, style, beliefs or everything? How old was Sheena when she first identified as a punk rocker how old was she when she joined the gang? I know. Too many questions, we'll just deal with the potential style. After searching the internet I believe i have found accurate photo representation of the beginning and end of Sheena's transition. Please see below.

one of the images may be edited.

I find this similar to the change in Siouxsie and the Banshees' music as well as The Damned.

Siouxsie and the Banshees went from this:

to this:

Please don't misunderstand, I enjoy them both, everything in between and after.

On a side and final note; some could argue that Sid Vicious went this route, as he is now dead and there is nothing gother than death.

About Me

My photo
i sneeze a lot but you usually cannot tell that it happened. I drink black coffee all the time so my tooths are yellow.