Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Mama Cat News #4

"As the debate continues over the Second Catmendment, the right to bear catnip, our cat on the streets, Sparkles, will be speaking with a local cat. Apparently, Mr. Fluffywums believes that nip safety is nip control. Sparkles?"

Mama Cat News #3

"....though many blankets are comfortable, none are quite so nice. Back to you Chet."

Mama Cat News #2

"Are cheeseburgers causing a rise in kitten obesity? The answers just might surprise you. But first, The Weather."

Mama Cat News #1


"What do your claws say about you? We'll be speaking with claw specialist Twinklefoot McFeathertail after these messages."

CLOWNS: Natural Born Killers (who are covered in greaspaint)

This won't be one of my usual semi amusing rants because i'm just too creeped out. It also wont' be about John Wayne Gacy, although…perfect fucking example. amiright?

Clowns are-


Hold on this isn’t correct

clown dog

Ok. They may attempt to portray themselves as merry makers, but their main goal is to show you their knife collection. Clowns are designed to be perfect killers. From the face paint and the wigs as a disguise to the costumes weapon cache. The clown will use its appearance as a way to overwhelm you with colour as well as disguise his “street face.”

Look at this effing clown. Do you know who this is?


If you guessed Charles Manson, you are correct and have creeped me out.

I mean think about it.

What happened:
You: I saw a man full of bright colours pull out of his huge red shoes a roll of duct tape and an ether soaked rag. When I came to, I had been bound with the tape and gagged by those long balloons used to make poodles.
Officer: What did the suspect look like?
You: ...A clown.
Officer: Could you be more specific?
You: he had red hair and a red nose and at first glance he looked like he was smiling but when I got closer I saw that within the smile there was a snarl. And the shoes, I already mentioned the shoes.
Officer: In order to catch him we need you to be more detailed with your description.
You: A CLOWN! He was a fucking clown!

The picture below won't help the cops catchy anybody.

The clown will attempt to lull you into a sense of security, or at least amusement, he will use balloon animals and flowers squirting Clown knows what and then he'll try to get you into his little car. The little car offers the clown the close proximity he needs to subdue you while he spirits you away.

In the words (sorta) of Jack Donaghy, Never go to a second location with a clown. Always remember when he is making you a purple giraffe that with every twist of the balloon he is just thinking about different ways to part you and your flesh


About Me

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i sneeze a lot but you usually cannot tell that it happened. I drink black coffee all the time so my tooths are yellow.