Who knew?

For Greg: Bird in Bear Suit

Snail #1: Trip to the Grey Desert

You might have realized this already, maybe not, I like to make comics of ideas that just will not leave my brain. Here is the beginning of everything I think about snails.

Apple #21 - Sonya

#21 Sonya - 05/08/2012

Wow it has been a whole year since I've encountered a new apple. Well I actually encountered 2.5 new apples today at the Safeway near my house. One of them they were out of, that's my .5. I actually got into a conversation about apples with the produce lady, she told me that red delicious have turned over a new leaf. I hope that is true because fuck those apples. Anyway today we are going to discuss the Sonya . Say it with me Sonyaaaa. A sexy name for a...well...an apple with a nice personality.

Pros: Sonya was crisp and juicy, just how we like them. She tasted like a gala or fuji which, to be honest, taste the same to me. Sonya was delicious and sweet is what I'm saying. Just an all around apples apple. Sonya is the kind of apple you would take home to meet mom.

Cons/Pros: The only con I can think of is the size, which is huge. Seriously huge. Make me feel like like a hobbit huge. I needed two hands to hold it huge. 2.5 handfuls huge. To some this may be a pro. Say if you are really hungry for delicious sweet apple fruit. Or maybe you are always accused of being a non-sharer. You could say, "Let's share my apple." And then even though its been cut in half you still have more than a normal apple amount left to eat. Everybody wins and you no longer look like an asshole. But if, like me, you just wanted some apple to accompany your sandwich, Sonya is way too much.

There is a competitive eating contestant named Sonya, this seems appropriate for the apple size and general feeling of fullness I am experiencing.

       Somehow related to my apple.

 

All in all, the size aside, this apple was fantastic. Go out and try a Sonya.

Boredom

Sometimes I get a thought stuck in my head. A brilliant thought that I just have to share with everyone because it's so witty.
this is not one of those times.

What Time Is It Really?

I spoke a while back with two folks who read this sparse blog. (I just realized if I counted my followers on my hands I'd be thumbless)

These folks thought this picture below was somebody who it wasn't but I decided that hey, now it is, why not.

7:00 ammmmm Oh Yeaaaah!

I've just started a new horrible work schedule that gives me the unique opportunity to test my hypothesis of hypocrisy and see when Miss Kool-Aid up there comes into work.  I'll give you a hint, today is day one and my hypothesis is being strengthened. Miss Kool-Aid was not here at her purported time of 7am, rather she arrived after me. Today may be a fluke, but hopefully it's not, because then it will make me feel good about something, mainly this work schedule.

So I've decided to make the best of a awful situation and make some graphs. I'm not smart enough to know what kind of graphs yet but it'll happen.

GRAPHS!

Apple #20 - Rancho Royale

#20 Rancho Royale - 05/26/2011

Holly Crap guys....a new apple.

It magically appeared on my kitchen table. I'm 80% sure that Mick brought it home for me but I really don't know what the cats do all day. Logically I would think they didn't have the limbs available to unlock doors and carry anything but they have been known to steal packets of gummy bears and one made an attempt at my empanada.

Anyway this apple really had a lot riding on it's shoulders. I had to bear the burden of being the first apple reviewed in many many months as well as having to get rid of the the disgusting flavour in my mouth bequeathed to me by my medicine.

Pictured above: the burden of medicine mouth.

Pros: I have to say the apple really came through for me. It was crisp and delicious and juicy. I mean seriously juicy I had  juice all over my hands and arms and chin. At one point I had to lick juice off of my wrist. Is that dirty? maybe. And yes, yes I had to, you wouldn't waste any of this apple either.  Also moments after typing the word juicy I have this stuck in my head. .

You're welcome

Cons: Visually I have no way to distinguish this apple from any other. It has that same faded red barn look as many others..

Outcome: Good Googly Moogly if I find Rancho Royale again I'm going to eat it.

And here: unrelated is this picture I found on the internets. Happy Nightmares!

I was not invited to this

Apple # 19 - Unknown

#19 Unknown 1/06/11

Pros: I just sort of snuck this apple away from a friend. That is how desperate I am for new apples. (stupid winter) Also it was super shiny. It takes a long time for apples to get a good shine on.

Cons: The exterior was too tough to eat. I actually broke a tooth. Also it tasted gross and a little bit like ozone.

Outcome: This is a mistake I'll never make again. Did you know that saliva is one of the things you don't want to get on a lap top? I found that out. I also found out that apple lap tops cost a remarkable amount of money to fix.

This would have been preferable to all involved.

Apple #18 - Cortland

#18 Cortland 11/18/10

Pros: I brought this apple into work today and placed it on my desk near my computer. The heat expelling fans slowly warmed the apple filling my office with it's delicious fall scent. At one point in work fueled delirium I turned to it, smiled and said "I can smell you apple."

Another pro would be the fact I have my own office to be creepy in.

Cons: Well the name. Cortland is the name of one of the witches in Anne Rice's beloved tale of incest and witches. That was a depressing family tree that I would draw out with an increasing frown when I read those books. And Cortland was all mixed up in it. Food shouldn't make me think of such things.

Also I waited too damn long to eat it so it was soft and mealy. I tried sucking on it to taste it without sandy apple in my mouth but it didn't work.

Outcome: