MSPaint Dreams and Other Brain Explosions.

Boredom

2012-01-09T13:27:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I get a thought stuck in my head. A brilliant thought that I just have to share with everyone because it's so witty.
this is not one of those times.

What Time Is It Really?

2011-12-05T08:15:00.001-05:00

I spoke a while back with two folks who read this sparse blog. (I just realized if I counted my followers on my hands I'd be thumbless)

These folks thought this picture below was somebody who it wasn't but I decided that hey, now it is, why not.

7:00 ammmmm Oh Yeaaaah!

I've just started a new horrible work schedule that gives me the unique opportunity to test my hypothesis of hypocrisy and see when Miss Kool-Aid up there comes into work. I'll give you a hint, today is day one and my hypothesis is being strengthened. Miss Kool-Aid was not here at her purported time of 7am, rather she arrived after me. Today may be a fluke, but hopefully it's not, because then it will make me feel good about something, mainly this work schedule.

So I've decided to make the best of a awful situation and make some graphs. I'm not smart enough to know what kind of graphs yet but it'll happen.

GRAPHS!

Apple #20 - Rancho Royale

2011-05-26T10:44:00.001-04:00

#20 Rancho Royale - 05/26/2011

Holly Crap guys....a new apple.

It magically appeared on my kitchen table. I'm 80% sure that Mick brought it home for me but I really don't know what the cats do all day. Logically I would think they didn't have the limbs available to unlock doors and carry anything but they have been known to steal packets of gummy bears and one made an attempt at my empanada.

Anyway this apple really had a lot riding on it's shoulders. I had to bear the burden of being the first apple reviewed in many many months as well as having to get rid of the the disgusting flavour in my mouth bequeathed to me by my medicine.

Pictured above: the burden of medicine mouth.

Pros: I have to say the apple really came through for me. It was crisp and delicious and juicy. I mean seriously juicy I had juice all over my hands and arms and chin. At one point I had to lick juice off of my wrist. Is that dirty? maybe. And yes, yes I had to, you wouldn't waste any of this apple either. Also moments after typing the word juicy I have this stuck in my head. .

You're welcome

Cons: Visually I have no way to distinguish this apple from any other. It has that same faded red barn look as many others..

Outcome: Good Googly Moogly if I find Rancho Royale again I'm going to eat it.

And here: unrelated is this picture I found on the internets. Happy Nightmares!

I was not invited to this

2011-05-13T16:55:00.002-04:00

Apple # 19 - Unknown

2011-01-06T11:55:00.000-05:00

#19 Unknown 1/06/11

Pros: I just sort of snuck this apple away from a friend. That is how desperate I am for new apples. (stupid winter) Also it was super shiny. It takes a long time for apples to get a good shine on.

Cons: The exterior was too tough to eat. I actually broke a tooth. Also it tasted gross and a little bit like ozone.

Outcome: This is a mistake I'll never make again. Did you know that saliva is one of the things you don't want to get on a lap top? I found that out. I also found out that apple lap tops cost a remarkable amount of money to fix.

This would have been preferable to all involved.

Apple #18 - Cortland

2010-11-18T13:51:00.000-05:00

#18 Cortland 11/18/10

Pros: I brought this apple into work today and placed it on my desk near my computer. The heat expelling fans slowly warmed the apple filling my office with it's delicious fall scent. At one point in work fueled delirium I turned to it, smiled and said "I can smell you apple."

Another pro would be the fact I have my own office to be creepy in.

Cons: Well the name. Cortland is the name of one of the witches in Anne Rice's beloved tale of incest and witches. That was a depressing family tree that I would draw out with an increasing frown when I read those books. And Cortland was all mixed up in it. Food shouldn't make me think of such things.

Also I waited too damn long to eat it so it was soft and mealy. I tried sucking on it to taste it without sandy apple in my mouth but it didn't work.

Outcome:

I basically do whatever Amy asks me to.

2010-11-12T10:36:00.000-05:00

Amy asked me to put these two pictures together.

**I hope hyperbole and a half doesn't mind the use of her awesome picture.

Apple #17 - Jazz

2010-11-12T10:04:00.004-05:00

#17 Jazz 9/26/10

Pros: I'd say the best asset would be the name. Jazz. It makes me think of the various Strangers With Candy episodes with Jimmy Tickles.

"I am super-jazzed!"

Cons: No cons really, the apple was juicy, sweet and hard, like a chippenda- NOPE I got nothing.

Outcome: I'd eat it again.

Can you guys believe this picture exists?

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UPDATE: Jimmy Tickles is still very jazzed.

Vertigo

2010-11-10T17:08:00.000-05:00

This is pretty much what my vertigo is like, every time it shows up.

Apple #17 - Honey Crisp

2010-11-10T10:29:00.000-05:00

#16 Honey Crisp 9/25/10

Pros: This apple....this apple is so good I would love to marry it. The Honey Crisp is tied with the Pink Lady as far as awesomeness goes. It is crispy, that makes it one of the few accurately named apples, unlike Red Delicious. Honey Crisp was pleasantly sweet, i wouldn't say it tasted like honey, but if I wanted honey I'd go eat honey, not an apple, and I have anything to say about honey so...

I hear that the great pantsless Pooh will cover that topic in his biopic

"To the Pot and Back: A tale of Honey Addiction"

Cons: I am not eating one right now.

Outcome: I was visiting family in CA and saw them at a grocery store. The produce guy just offered this apple up for tasting. He did that after I asked about the Gravenstein apple. I can only assume he offered the Honey Crisp as an apology for letting me put the Gravenstein in my mouth.

Apple #16 - Gravenstein

2010-11-10T10:21:00.001-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, someone robbed my computer away.

#16 - Gravenstein 9/25/10

Pros: This apple looked like a Golden Delicious with stripes of red running through it.

Cons: Holy hell this apple was awful. the flesh was mealy, it tasted like a terrible grotesque Golden Delicious. As if Golden Delicious had a cousin who liked to kill small animals and was always covered in festering wounds, but was also an apple.

I started to search for festering wounds and then decided that would
be an unpleasant task. So Here is Uncle Fester

Outcome: I am so glad I asked the produce guy about this apple, because he let me try it and i didn't have to spend my money on fruit I wanted to spit out, but didn't, because we were in a grocery store.

Stigmata #8

2010-10-29T11:23:00.003-04:00

As we all know the cause of my stigmata is magical in nature so there is nothing a medical doctor can do. I decided that seeing a therapist may help me deal with the repercussions of my stigmata. There are certain times that utilizing the internet for more than comedy websites and bootleg movies would be in my best interest. Checking for reviews of certain asshat therapists would have been one of them. You want to know what the "clever" bastard had to ask me?

"How are you dealing with the stigma of your stigmata?"

Oh a fucking pun. I'm bleeding on everything, I've ruined almost all of my clothes and furniture, I'm passing out everywhere and I've lost all my friends because the reasons I just listed and he makes a pun.

I'm contemplating covering everything in my apartment in plastic, but I don't know how existing in an episode of Dexter will help anything.

I have a serious and seriously non religious case of stigmata and I am miserable.

Stigmata #7

2010-10-29T10:59:00.001-04:00

After passing out at the baby shower i woke up in my apartment. There was a note near me suggesting that I buy bandages. So I headed to a pharmacy. One thing I found out is that if you have stigmata do NOT keep your money in your pocket. But money is money, legal tender and all that.

Click here for the final comic

Barely Soup

2010-10-28T14:24:00.000-04:00

I don't understand tomato basil soup. Its just watery pasta sauce.

I've been eating soup for lunch every day the past two weeks. I feel like I've been thinking about soup way way too much. And that is just sad.

Adults Are Fucking Liars

2010-10-27T14:53:00.000-04:00

The day I first realized that adults were nothing but big bastard liars I was in 1st grade. We were reading the book Stone Soup. When we finished the story we were all supposed to bring in a stone to put in a pot so we could make our own soup.

Now, if you don't quite remember the story, its basically about a drifter who convinces some lady to let him make soup at her house using only a stone. Then slowly over the course of the book he gets her to add actual food to his rock water (carrots, potatoes etc).

This is the exact book I owned

So basically the book was about lying and also it was about cooking actual soup, not some magic stone soup.

Anyways we all brought our rocks in and were told to drop them into a crockpot full of water. Then THEN we were led somewhere, I don't remember where because I spent that time convinced something was afoot. "A watched pot never boils" my 6yr old butt.

When we returned to the room SURPRISE! there was soup in the crockpot. Kids were amazed. They dished up the Magic Stone Soup into bowls for us. That first bite, that first telling bite showed me that we had been had, the teachers were lying to us, because what was in my bowl was not Magic Stone Soup but canned vegetable soup. I knew it well and had always hated that flavour. I was outraged, not only was it all a lie but they replaced our rock water with cans of my least favourite soup ever.

I wanted to call them out but I didn't because I saw that all the other kids were excited and amazed and full of magic and joy and I didn't want to ruin it for them so I ate my soup in silence.

That was the day I found out adults are liars.

You Should Always Look Up

2010-10-27T12:59:00.003-04:00

Cat's look up.

This is probably why.

Stigmata #6 (Saturday)

2010-10-26T12:06:00.000-04:00

As of Saturday it had been almost a week and it was becoming rapidly apparent to me that one of the bigger issues I was facing was blood loss. I was fired via email this morning for issues at work.

Then, on my way to a baby shower I woke up at Forest Hills. Considering I board the train further down the line this means I must have ridden the train from one end to the other.

While I have no recollection of this, I am told that I passed out once I got to the shower. Apparently I started to say, "Congratulations," but never finished the word.

Click here for #7.

Stigmata #5 (Friday)

2010-10-25T16:42:00.005-04:00

Do you know what does not work when you have stigmata? MEETING WOMEN! You want to know why?

This fucking face. That's why.

Clickhere for #6.

Apple #15 - Sugar Snap/Crisp

2010-10-25T14:03:00.007-04:00

Go here if you want to read the first 15 apples all together.

15. Sugar Snap/Crisp date: the past
This apple was consumed almost a month ago. To be helpful I emailed myself notes, they turned out to be more of a poorly written (extremely poorly written) haiku than apple details.

from orchard
looks like a golden delicious
tastes like fall
strangely soft

Pros: This was another apple brought to me by the roomie. He couldn't quite remember the name, my hazy memory has it as Sugar Crispin. I feel it tasted pretty nice, as my poem indicates Sugar Crispin Glover tasted of fall.

Cons: Crispin Glover wasn't unpleasantly soft, just strangely so.

utcome: this

Actually, I think this may be a con.

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Apple #14 - Mystery Wedding Apple

2010-10-25T14:03:00.006-04:00

Go here if you want to read the first 15 apples all together.

14. Mystery Wedding Apple 9/07/10

Pros: I found the apple to be refreshing. I think it looked like a wee McIntosh apple.

Cons: it was a bit tart.

Outcomes: Best wedding fruit ever, at least until gay marriage is legal everywhere I guess.

...family...blah blah blah, sanctity of marriage...blah blah blah

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Apple #13 - Rome

2010-10-25T14:02:00.002-04:00

Go here if you want to read the first 15 apples all together.

13. Rome 6/7/10

Pros: It was bought with roommate love, it was another of the apples he got from an orchard in PA.

Cons: I waited to long to eat it. So i was left with taut red skin encasing apple meat that was akin to partially hydrated instant mashed potatoes.

mmmm.....appley

Outcome: Why do I know what partially hydrated potatoes taste like? SHUT UP! That's why.

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Apple #12 - Crispin or Mutsu

2010-10-25T14:00:00.002-04:00

Go here if you want to read the first 15 apples all together.

12. Crispin or Mutsu 6/6/10

Pros: My roommate brought me this apple from Weaver Orchards in Morgantown, PA. I guess this is an advert for them because the apple was delicious. Not that i have enough viewers that an advertisement is monetarily worth it. Good thing i work for apples. Its a golden delicious hybrid. It was so very crisp. The flavour was mild but lovely.

Cons: That I already ate it and I live in MA.

Outcome: Yes yes and yes. Go to Weaver Orchards because they have appley type apples.

Apple #11 - Empire

2010-10-25T13:59:00.009-04:00

Go here if you want to read the first 15 apples all together.

11. Empire 5/26

Pros: I don't.......know.

Cons: The flavour is boring. The apple meat was mushy. And the skin, oh god, the skin. The skin and the apple insides are not friends. Textural enemies. It's like this apple is wearing a mask. Sort of like this:

KISS???

But actually more along these lines:

and it would have gotten away with it, too, it wasn't for a meddling me.

Outcome: The mystery of the haunted orchard has been solved. But still....I spit every bite out.

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Apple #10 - Granny Smith

2010-10-25T13:59:00.008-04:00

Go here if you want to read the first 15 apples all together.

10. Granny Smith 5/20/10

Pros: It's green, which is my favourite colour. The texture was fine. And I quite enjoy the taste, I wish I'd had cheese to pair it with.

Cons: While this apple is enjoyable it is also quite sour. Eating one is a mix of pain and joy that reminds me of all the girls I've dated.

Pictured above: both pain and joy. Please note: I never dated the girl in this photo.

Outcome:I don't think my exes read my blog so the outcome shouldn't be too bad.

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Apple #8 - McIntosh

2010-10-25T13:58:00.009-04:00

Go here if you want to read the first 15 apples all together.

8. McIntosh 5/14/10

Pros: Good ole McIntosh, they make me think of witchy things like Disney villains and Stevie Nicks.

The skin on this apple is quite taut and shiny and sounds like a ripe melon when you thump it. Melanie gave me this apple and I in turn made her listen to the thump. I think these are the apples I was brought up on because it reminded me of my childhood.

Cons: The texture was...different it wasn't mealy but it also wasn't really crisp. once you got through the crisp skin the meat was quite soft.

Outcome: Not unpleasant, but certainly not my favourite.

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Apple #9 - Red Delicious

2010-10-25T13:58:00.008-04:00

Go here if you want to read the first 15 apples all together.

9. Red Delicious 5/17/10
I ate a red delicious apple and I have absolutely nothing to say about it. No pros or cons. sorry.

Outcome: This apple is boring so suck it.

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Apple #7 - Golden Delicious

2010-10-25T13:57:00.009-04:00

Go here if you want to read the first 15 apples all together.

7. Golden Delicious 5/12/10

Pros: This apple is my supervisors favourite kind but i won't let that cloud my judgment. Also I really doubt she reads these. Upon examining the apple it was more green than golden. It was also freckled, so biting into it was much like how I imagine it would be to bite into into my jaundiced face....subtle and delicious.

Cons: Thinking about cannibalism.

The sky is blue, and all the leaves are green, my heart's as full as a baked potato

Outcome: I wonder what the texture of my face is like.

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Apple #6 - Cameo

2010-10-25T13:57:00.008-04:00

Go here if you want to read the first 15 apples all together.

6. Cameo 5/10/10

Pros: At first i was disappointed. The apple didn't have a flavour, but after chewing for a bit i noticed it did but it was just quite subtle. It was also so juicy in my mouth all i could do was think about this skit

Cons: Possibly that it made me think of the skit above? Meh, not sure there were cons.

Outcomes: Refreshing.

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Apple #5 - Naval

2010-10-25T13:56:00.004-04:00

Go here if you want to read the first 15 apples all together.

5. Naval 4/28/10

Pros: It was a very pretty colour. I would almost describe it as one of the colours of dawn.

Cons: When I bit into it, it was very bitter. And then the skin just sloughed off. NOT to be deterred by an admittedly cringe worthy action i removed the rest of the skin to taste the apple within. Perhaps this is the opposite of the braeburn i said to myself in a whisper.

Outcome: Much to my astonishment this apple was naturally created in segments and so I took a bite- Orange! Never mind I'm eating an orange.

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Apple #4 - Pink Lady

2010-10-25T13:55:00.004-04:00

Go here if you want to read the first 15 apples all together.

4. Pink Lady 4/23/10

Pros: This one I was most excited about. (NOT because of the name Melanie...) I heard about it for the first time during an apple poll of my friends favourites, this one was mentioned the most.

Cons: They were not pink on the inside. Ok. so it is in part the name.

Outcome: If my phone wasn't broken i would have had people take pictures of my apple eating enthusiasm. Instead here is a picture of Pink.

Apple #3 - Gala

2010-10-25T13:54:00.004-04:00

Go here if you want to read the first 15 apples all together.

3. Gala 4/22/10

Pros: It was called a Royal Gala.

Cons: I'm writing this almost a week later. The only con is laziness.

Outcome: I ate it and spit none of it out but the core. So I guess, I guess that was a good sign.

Apple #2 - Fuji

2010-10-25T13:53:00.002-04:00

Just piecing out the Apples blog

2. Fuji 4/21/10

Pros: I liked the look. This apple has a sort of fading red paint look to it that appealed to me visually. And when I bit into it was juicy and crisp just like I like my.........women? No, I, I hope that's not right.

Cons: The grammar (it's worse than mine)

But if you love something you have to be willing to look beyond its faults.

Outcome: Delicious. I stopped snacking just long enough for the apple to get a word in.

Then i ate his face.

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Apple #1 - Braeburn

2010-10-25T13:51:00.002-04:00

I decided to pull out each individual apple review into its own post. The apple blog here has become far too long.

1. Braeburn 4/20/10

Pros: The flavour, its not bad, not too tart, not too sweet. Mostly it's the size, you think, alright, this apple is gonna rock, its a huge piece of hand fruit and who doesn't like giant fruit?

oh...right

Moving on.

Cons: Texture. The texture ruins it, it's all mealy and grainy, like wet sawdust. The only part that doesn't make my tongue cringe is the skin.

Outcome: Disappointment.

And a skinless apple in the trash.

Stigmata #4 (Thursday)

2010-10-25T13:34:00.003-04:00

Things were not improving for me. I was beginning to worry my friends didn't want to spend time with me.

I was invited to my friend Paul's birthday party. I arrived, on time, feeling rather subdued, but i put on my game face. I had my goggles on and what was previously my nicest shirt. I went to give hugs but my friends and acquaintances all started pushing each other until my former roommate, Daniel, was forced woodenly into my arms. It was one of the worst hugs ever.

Then I tried again to be cheerful and offered the beer I had brought.

I was beginning to feel very awkward so I made up some excuse to leave early.

Click here for #5.

The Dangers of Layering

2010-10-22T13:52:00.000-04:00

Layering can be a wonderful thing during the winter months. But only if it's done correctly.

Just don't over do it.

Stigmata #3 (Wednesday)

2010-10-21T18:04:00.002-04:00

After my initial joy began to wear off two days after it started a few things became apparent to me. This whole stigmata thing was super impractical. It was so impractical that it began to effect me in ways I never imagined. But i had plans.

1. The blood on my head continuously ran into my eyes, blinding me multiple times a day. But I had a plan.

2. One of my favourite things to do is read. That's a great hobby you may be thinking. But what are books made of? Paper! and paper has the irritating ability to absorb the blood from my hands. But I had a plan.

3. This was more of an annoyance than a problem for me. Due to the blood filling up my shoes i squished when i walked. Sadly I had no plans for this.

Click here for #4.

The Answer to Everything for KC

2010-10-21T16:14:00.000-04:00

Through minutes of intensive research of things in my brain, I have narrowed down The Answer to everything, to three possible things:

1. The continuation of the species
2. 42
3. Love

Stigmata #2 (Tuesday)

2010-10-21T10:09:00.025-04:00

Previously on Stigmata...

I come down with a serious and seriously non-religious case of stigmata. And. I. Am. Thrilled.

I spent a day acclimating. While in my apartment I blogged about how I was the first atheist to get stigmata. And then, when I went to the store people would part silently to let me walk. It was beautiful, i stood apart. I wouldn't say I was better, but joyously different.

A day later (a Tuesday, if you must know) while out on a walk, letting the world see me, I bumped into Jesse. He was wearing another one of his many many many lolcat themed shirts, I almost made fun of him (like usual), but didn't because he had good news.

Clearly such good news was deserving of a celebratory hand gesture. Before I could ask him any questions about his engagement he beat me with a cryptic and dated question. I would have much preferred a "How are you?"

Our conversation came to an end due to how impressed he was with my stigmata. I could tell he was awed because he was falling to his knees in misguided religious fervor.

To each his own i guess. Maybe I'll catch a movie tomorrow.
Click here for #3.

The Lengths I'll Go To Prove Myself Correct

2010-10-20T11:29:00.001-04:00

Christianity is creepy

2010-10-20T11:15:00.004-04:00

man the idea of it creeps me out. praying at an image of a dead/dying person. anyways.

Toking Ogre

2010-08-19T15:30:00.004-04:00

This made Melanie cry.

paraphrase!
Melanie - Is he saying midnight ogre?
Sean - NO...toker.

Two Eye's or two I's?

2010-08-04T17:34:00.002-04:00

Ludwig Stardust

2010-08-03T17:07:00.013-04:00

I was reading a blog by The Bitter Buffalo and came across this line "...I cannot tell whose face is on it. I think it's either Ziggy Stardust or Beethoven."

Well that line stayed in my head and i thought to myself, why can't it be both.

That was MY Idea.

2010-06-22T10:15:00.029-04:00

I don't mean that was my idea like i always thought you'd get a smoother shave if more than one blade was involved. I mean that was my idea as in i thought it I created it and it was posted to the internet for all to see.

And by internet I don't mean this measly friend-only read blog. By internet I mean a comedy website. Cracked.com, go to google and just type in cracked. Their website will be your first hit.

A few years ago I used to enter their photoshop contests with my microsoft paint pictures. In 2008 they wanted Supervillian Flow Charts. I made this one.

I came in third. Here if you don't believe me, 20 Insane Supervillain Schemes In Flowchart Form

Today while looking at shirts on etsy.com I found this. Posted June 2010

Sure it is more fleshed out and doesn't have my old supervisors face on it, but I still feel like it is my idea presented over two years later. That makes me grumps, which is too bad because I really liked some of their other shirts. If there is one that says I Heart Cephalopods with a cuttlefish on it, I'm going to lose my shit. Thanks a lot nonfiction tees I am going to go have a sad now.

For Katie

2010-06-04T17:06:00.002-04:00

Comic!

2010-06-02T11:20:00.001-04:00

...of the Dead

2010-05-13T13:31:00.010-04:00

Dear George A Romero,
What the fuck are you doing?
Sincerely
Sean Z
PS Bring Tom Savini back to your films! SERIOUSLY!

So I watched Survival of the Dead last night. I like some parts and some of the ideas but mostly "meh," it was really really not one of his better "of the Dead" films. Now, I like the idea of exploring how the survivors of such a thing would deal with the aftermath. That is actually one of my favourite parts of zombie stories. (heart! The Walking Dead!) But then it wasn't really about that, and some of the ways you killed the zombies were just...silly. Oh sure, go ahead and light your cigarette off of that burning zombie. Klassy.

This story just falls flat. The way it ends is so unabashedly cheese ball and shitty I'm reminded of the stories I used to write in high school. It felt juvenile and ridiculous. "We'll never know...." ??!?? Fuck you! You are not 15, this isn't creative writing and you have been doing this for years. YEARS. You started it George, the zombies we know and love today, its all you, this is your baby and you are shitting all over it!

Alright, rant done.

But it DID get me to thinking which of his films are my favourites and which are the worst (though i will defend them due to my horror movie heart on I have for you Mr. Romero)

So here you have it from my fav to least fav.

Dawn of the Dead (1978)
Night of the Living Dead (1968)
Day of the Dead (1985)
Diary of the Dead (2007)
Land of the Dead (2005)
Survival of the Dead (2009)

the last two are interchangeably bad but Land of the Dead has Asia Argento...

yowzers!

Apples

2010-04-20T14:25:00.083-04:00

UPDATE: I decided to repost the apples but one apple per post.

I'll try to update this each time I eat an apple. Why? Because i keep buying the wrong apples. Read those three words again again, they are horrifying.

The. WRONG. APPLES.

Here is the problem....how do I know if its just the one bad apple, (wait, that saying now makes literal sense) or if it is the type of apple? A time wasting experiment, clearly.
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15. Sugar Snap/Crisp date: the past
This apple was consumed almost a month ago. To be helpful I emailed myself notes, they turned out to be more of a poorly written (extremely poorly written) haiku than apple details.

from orchard
looks like a golden delicious
tastes like fall
strangely soft

Pros: This was another apple brought to me by the roomie. He couldn't quite remember the name, my hazy memory has it as Sugar Crispin. I feel it tasted pretty nice, as my poem indicates Sugar Crispin Glover tasted of fall.
Cons: Crispin Glover wasn't unpleasantly soft, just strangely so.
Outcome: this

Actually, I think this may be a con.

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14. Mystery Wedding Apple 9/07/10
Pros: I found the apple to be refreshing. I think it looked like a wee McIntosh apple.
Cons: it was a bit tart.
Outcomes: Best wedding fruit ever, at least until gay marriage is legal everywhere I guess.

...family...blah blah blah, sanctity of marriage...blah blah blah

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13. Rome 6/7/10
Pros: It was bought with roommate love, it was another of the apples he got from an orchard in PA.
Cons: I waited to long to eat it. So i was left with taut red skin encasing apple meat that was akin to partially hydrated instant mashed potatoes.

mmmm.....appley

Outcome: Why do I know what partially hydrated potatoes taste like? SHUT UP! That's why.

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12. Crispin or Mutsu 6/6/10
Pros: My roommate brought me this apple from Weaver Orchards in Morgantown, PA. I guess this is an advert for them because the apple was delicious. Not that i have enough viewers that an advertisement is monetarily worth it. Good thing i work for apples. Its a golden delicious hybrid. It was so very crisp. The flavour was mild but lovely.
Cons: That I already ate it and I live in MA.
Outcome: Yes yes and yes. Go to Weaver Orchards because they have appley type apples.

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11. Empire 5/26
Pros: I don't.......know.
Cons: The flavour is boring. The apple meat was mushy. And the skin, oh god, the skin. The skin and the apple insides are not friends. Textural enemies. It's like this apple is wearing a mask. Sort of like this:

KISS???

But actually more along these lines:

and it would have gotten away with it, too, it wasn't for a meddling me.

Outcome: The mystery of the haunted orchard has been solved. But still....I spit every bite out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10. Granny Smith 5/20/10
Pros: It's green, which is my favourite colour. The texture was fine. And I quite enjoy the taste, I wish I'd had cheese to pair it with.
Cons: While this apple is enjoyable it is also quite sour. Eating one is a mix of pain and joy that reminds me of all the girls I've dated.

Pictured above: both pain and joy. Please note: I never dated the girl in this photo.

Outcome:I don't think my exes read my blog so the outcome shouldn't be too bad.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9. Red Delicious 5/17/10
I ate a red delicious apple and I have absolutely nothing to say about it. No pros or cons. sorry.
Outcome: suck it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

8. McIntosh 5/14/10
Pros: Good ole McIntosh, they make me think of witchy things like Disney villains and Stevie Nicks.

The skin on this apple is quite taut and shiny and sounds like a ripe melon when you thump it. Melanie gave me this apple and I in turn made her listen to the thump. I think these are the apples I was brought up on because it reminded me of my childhood.
Cons: The texture was...different it wasn't mealy but it also wasn't really crisp. once you got through the crisp skin the meat was quite soft.
Outcome: Not unpleasant, but certainly not my favourite.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7. Golden Delicious 5/12/10
Pros: This apple is my supervisors favourite kind but i won't let that cloud my judgement. Upon examining the apple it was more green than golden. It was also freckled, so biting into it was much like how I imagine it would be to bite into into my jaundiced face....subtle and delicious.
Cons: Thinking about cannibalism.

The sky is blue, and all the leaves are green, my heart's as full as a baked potato

Outcome: I wonder what the texture of my face is like.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

6. Cameo 5/10/10
Pros: At first i was disappointed. The apple didn't have a flavour, but after chewing for a bit i noticed it did but it was just quite subtle. It was also so juicy in my mouth all i could do was think about this skit

Cons: Possibly that it made me think of the skit above? Meh, not sure there were cons.
Outcomes: Refreshing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5. Naval 4/28/10
Pros: It was a very pretty colour. I would almost describe it as one of the colours of dawn.
Cons: When I bit into it, it was very bitter. And then the skin just sloughed off. NOT to be deterred by an admittedly cringe worthy action i removed the rest of the skin to taste the apple within. Perhaps this is the opposite of the braeburn i said to myself in a whisper.

Outcome: Much to my astonishment this apple was naturally created in segments and so I took a bite- Orange! Nevermind I'm eating an orange.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4. Pink Lady 4/23/10
Pros: This one I was most excited about. (NOT because of the name Melanie...) I heard about it for the first time during an apple poll of my friends favourites, this one was mentioned the most.
Cons: They were not pink on the inside. Ok. so it is in part the name.
Outcome: If my phone wasn't broken i would have had people take pictures of my apple eating enthusiasm. Instead here is a picture of Pink.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3. Gala 4/22/10
Pros: It was called a Royal Gala.

Cons: I'm writing this almost a week later. The only con is laziness.
Outcome: I ate it and spit none of it out but the core. So I guess, I guess that was a good sign.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2. Fuji 4/21/10
Pros: I liked the look. This apple has a sort of fading red paint look to it that appealed to me visually. And when I bit into it was juicy and crisp just like I like my.........women? No, I, I hope that's not right.
Cons: The grammar (it's worse than mine)

But if you love something you have to be willing to look beyond its faults.

Outcome: Delicious. I stopped snacking just long enough for the apple to get a word in.

Then i ate his face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. Braeburn 4/20/10
Pros: The flavour, its not bad, not too tart, not too sweet. Mostly it's the size, you think, alright, this apple is gonna rock, its a huge piece of hand fruit and who doesn't like giant fruit?

oh...right

Moving on.
Cons: Texture. The texture ruins it, it's all mealy and grainy, like wet sawdust. The only part that doesn't make my tongue cringe is the skin.
Outcome: Disappointment.

And a skinless apple in the trash.

Things that should be in google image search but are not #1

2010-04-14T12:56:00.000-04:00

This is a Lion Bar.

This is a Lion Bar(tender)

Surfing in a Sea of Crazy

2010-04-02T16:19:00.002-04:00

Holy God No.

2010-03-31T13:01:00.002-04:00

Amy & Sandy B Update: March 2010

2010-03-17T17:52:00.003-04:00

So as we all know Sandy B's husband may be cheating on her.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35899360/ns/entertainment-gossip/

And we all heard this news without any emotional reaction whatsoever. But how is Amy handling this, how is she handling the news? If you've read the previous blogs about her obsession then you know that "poorly" is one of many words. Destitute, depressed, distraught is weepily a word? Below we see her putting on her game face. But if you look closely you can see how upset she is.

Over the years of my reporting I've noticed some don't believe me. Don't believe the things I've seen and heard. Well below you'll see proof. Proof transcribed on the interwebs by another.

Lets look at that again.
"Do you think Sandra Bullock's husband is really cheating on her? I wish I knew for certain. I hate this limbo. She probably hates it more..." -Amy

There you go internet. Amy cares about this story only in line behind Sandy B. I hope for both of their sakes it isn't true.

Mama Cat News #4

2010-02-09T17:39:00.000-05:00

"As the debate continues over the Second Catmendment, the right to bear catnip, our cat on the streets, Sparkles, will be speaking with a local cat. Apparently, Mr. Fluffywums believes that nip safety is nip control. Sparkles?"

Mama Cat News #3

2010-02-09T17:38:00.002-05:00

"....though many blankets are comfortable, none are quite so nice. Back to you Chet."

Mama Cat News #2

2010-02-09T17:38:00.001-05:00

"Are cheeseburgers causing a rise in kitten obesity? The answers just might surprise you. But first, The Weather."

Mama Cat News #1

2010-02-09T17:31:00.000-05:00

"What do your claws say about you? We'll be speaking with claw specialist Twinklefoot McFeathertail after these messages."

CLOWNS: Natural Born Killers (who are covered in greaspaint)

2010-02-09T15:43:00.000-05:00

This won't be one of my usual semi amusing rants because i'm just too creeped out. It also wont' be about John Wayne Gacy, although…perfect fucking example. amiright?

Clowns are-

Hold on this isn’t correct

Ok. They may attempt to portray themselves as merry makers, but their main goal is to show you their knife collection. Clowns are designed to be perfect killers. From the face paint and the wigs as a disguise to the costumes weapon cache. The clown will use its appearance as a way to overwhelm you with colour as well as disguise his “street face.”

Look at this effing clown. Do you know who this is?

If you guessed Charles Manson, you are correct and have creeped me out.

I mean think about it.

Officer: What happened:
You: I saw a man full of bright colours pull out of his huge red shoes a roll of duct tape and an ether soaked rag. When I came to, I had been bound with the tape and gagged by those long balloons used to make poodles.
Officer: What did the suspect look like?
You: ...A clown.
Officer: Could you be more specific?
You: he had red hair and a red nose and at first glance he looked like he was smiling but when I got closer I saw that within the smile there was a snarl. And the shoes, I already mentioned the shoes.
Officer: In order to catch him we need you to be more detailed with your description.
You: A CLOWN! He was a fucking clown!

The picture below won't help the cops catchy anybody.

The clown will attempt to lull you into a sense of security, or at least amusement, he will use balloon animals and flowers squirting Clown knows what and then he'll try to get you into his little car. The little car offers the clown the close proximity he needs to subdue you while he spirits you away.

In the words (sorta) of Jack Donaghy, Never go to a second location with a clown. Always remember when he is making you a purple giraffe that with every twist of the balloon he is just thinking about different ways to part you and your flesh

A 3min Representation of the Loud as Fuck Lady at Work. (sans giant sweater)

2010-01-20T16:23:00.000-05:00

It's Friday

2009-12-18T16:44:00.001-05:00

A Pictorial Understanding of that Pig Flu

2009-05-19T12:19:00.000-04:00

Chemistry

2009-04-06T17:45:00.000-04:00

my favourite part was making the couch.

Mermona

2009-04-06T16:39:00.000-04:00

If Ramona were a mermaid.

My Feelings about The L Word

2009-03-10T14:17:00.002-04:00

Below is a fake interview with Eileen Chaiken. It's just a way for me to work out my exacerbated irritation with the show. This was for my own mental health, but I hope someone gets some amusement out of it.

---

EILEEN: Hi there. I’m Eileen Chaiken, brains behind The L Word. Creator of The L Word, the best LGBT show around. Oh, and Betty working with The L Word and doing the lovely theme of The L Word, that was all me too.

SEAN: Uh, yeah. LOVE the show.

EILEEN: Oh you love The L Word, that is gre-

SEAN: hahaha no. No I don’t, but I have seen seasons 1-5 twice.

EILEEN: So you really like The L Word

SEAN: No. Nope I’ve seen it. And while seeing it I didn’t turn it off, so there is that.

EILEEN: Great, it’s always nice to meet people who love The L Word. So how is it you can assist The L Word-

SEAN: Eileen, sorry to interrupt, but, I do know what the show is called and this isn’t being videotaped or recorded in any other way so you don’t need to plug the show. Or whatever it is you are doing here.

EILEEN: Great, so you are going to help us with the final season of The L-

SEAN: hrrrm

EILEEN: -Word. Do you have much screen writing experience that The L Word would benefit from? I can’t seem to find anything in your file.

SEAN: No. Never written a screenplay but I did write a short story in high school. It had a beginning, middle and end, AND the story was rather cohesive, no loose threads, things like that.. These are standards I feel you could really use in this show

EILEEN: Great. So let me tell you about some of the exciting things we have planned for this final season of The L Word. First off we are going to kill Jenny.

SEAN: Yeah? I…um…wow that is actually a good idea. I’m surprised you didn’t do this earlier. Great, as you say.

EILEEN: We also are going to have Max, you know Max our favourite butch lesbian, she is-

SEAN: What! Max is trans.

EILEEN: Excuse me?

SEAN: the character Max…he’s trans…

EILEEN: Oh! Haha, right. I just have no respect for transgendered people. I’m actually pretty narrow-minded when it comes to gays and lesbians in general when it comes The L Word.

SEAN: Okay um there is a lot more to LGBT than just….never mind. Your show has many viewers; some of them are trans so maybe you should try and be respectful. That would be a good start. So….what’s your plan for Max?

EILEEN: He’s pregnant!

SEAN: ...pregnant?

EILEEN: Pregnant with a baby. You do understand the concept?

SEAN: I understand th- He is on T. You- that is so unlikely.

EILEEN: Oh we’ll just have some science type say it can happen. You know like a doctor.

SEAN: I…it’s practically impossible and it is a terrible terrible idea. Just cut out that entire story line.

EILEEN: Already filmed it.

SEAN: Why am I here?

EILEEN: I recently saw Baywatch. Have you ever seen Baywatch? I keep thinking about the opening credits from Bay-

SEAN: Watch! Yes I’ve seen Baywatch. Why are we talking about Baywatch? What does Baywatch have to do with your show?

EILEEN: The L Word?

SEAN: …

EILEEN: …

SEAN: Yes.

EILEEN: I was thinking I’d like to have all the actresses walking slow motion into the wind during the final credits. I’ll make it slow motion, not them. I just feel it will really give the fans a chance to say goodbye to their favourite character in The L Word

SEAN: That is awful. Cut it.

EILEEN: Already filmed.

SEAN: Of course it is.

EILEEN: The next thing we have planned is Jenny and Shane are going to start a romantic relationship.

SEAN: Gross, that is so gross. And I thought you were going to kill Jenny

EILEEN: I also want to have a dance-a-thon.

SEAN: Dance-a-thon? Like a marathon? Are they going to dance for about 26mi? What does this have to do with the story line? Do you have too many episodes?

EILEEN: We are doing 8 episodes.

SEAN: I’m almost afraid to ask this…Why? Why an episode where they dance? And again I ask, when are you going to kill Jenny.

EILEEN: Did you know that Marlee Matlin can dance?

SEAN: Yeah, that’s great. Some people are accomplished dancers. When is Jenny going to die?

EILEEN: She is deaf and she dances really well. I think I’ll have most of the characters talk about how she is such a good dancer.

SEAN: You disgust me and you really need to cut this scene.

EILEEN: Oh. No. It’s not a scene it’s the entire episode.

SEAN: The. Entire. Episode. You should cut it and you should really focus on story line. You know some closure with the characters.

EILEEN: Already filmed. We are also going to have Helena get back with Dylan.

SEAN: God that is gross too. Are you trying to make people vomit in their mouth? Was this your plan all along? Who next? Let’s bring Angus back he can have a three way with Alice and Bette’s assistant. Could you, could you please cut it?

EILEEN: Already-

SEAN: FILMED!

EILEEN: how did you guess?

SEAN: I can’t believe you were given a show. What am I supposed to do here? You’ve already filmed everything. It's a huge amount of awful at that.

Eileen’s cell phone: THIS IS THE WAY! IT’S THE WAY THAT WE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

EILEEN: Hold on for a second, I’m in a meeting…...Here read over the last episode of The L Word and give me some notes and if I like them I’ll take them into account.

SEAN: ……...fine.

15 minutes later

SEAN: Okay. Short of re-writing seasons 2-7, here are a few things:
1. Being “sneaky about who killed Jenny” isn’t clever, change it somehow. Have angelica push her towards the broken railing, something. Show the body, was she in the pool? Is that why Shane looks wet?
2. Bette and Tina should probably agree to adopt Max’s baby, he wanted them to, also cut his hair, the beard was fine, well sorta fine, but that hair cut is too much.
3. Um the Shane and Molly thing needs to go better, the viewers will be happy if there is some closure there. And really closure is what you should have been aiming at the entire season.
4. Dylan sucks too much to make Helena miserable at the end fix it.
5. The “tribute video” is awful. Ivan, (who is your first disaster), Tim, Carmen. What the hell is this.
6. I don’t think being in police academy will let you by a police line when a murder is being investigated.
7. Um. Lucy Lawless. She barely has a part.. How can you have a gay icon on this gay-assed show and have her say maybe 10 lines? Can we change this some how, maybe she could console Helena about horrible Dylan. That would be acceptable.
I have a few more ideas if you are interested.

EILEEN: Already filmed it.

SEAN: I hate you.

Mama Cat

2009-02-20T12:28:00.000-05:00

Irate Seal

2009-01-29T17:24:00.001-05:00

Time Travel

2009-01-09T12:44:00.000-05:00

Hey.

So I have been thinking about time travel, is it possible, what are the repercussions, paradoxes things like that. But most importantly I've been thinking about how I would look if I had to go back and dress for the times. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a notorious narcissist and so shouldn't be too surprised by my thoughts.

While I'm aiming towards the 50's I decided to leave it up to a vote. We have below a few pictures indicating loosely how I will look. So please vote and I'll keep that in mind when deciding where to go.

1950's

1960's

1970's

1980's

Thanks for the help, 'cause really, looking your best is the most important part of science.

You, My Ass and The Bar

2009-01-09T12:32:00.000-05:00

Basically, I am going to vent my irritations with folks in letter format. Sending or not sending them I find it to be rather satisfying.

Dear Angry Woman in Glasses,

Last night I felt we had a moment, in a fit of self deluded, rage filled, entitlement you told me something I had only ever told close friends and family. You blew my mind when you told me that you knew I had a dumb ass. (I’m pretty sure it wasn’t in your way all night but that isn’t why I’m writing) The simple fact you knew how much intelligence I held in my booty astounded me while it simultaneously made me feel closer to you. Did it make you feel closer to me? I hope so, because as someone close to you I feel obligated to tell you some things to help improve your character and hopefully your ability to enjoy your life. This is something I want, I really do.

First. Did you know that erotic photo hunt was only a game. I KNOW! It surprised me too the day that I found out. If you are uncertain as to the definition of “game,” don’t worry you can look it up in a dictionary, online, or you could just ask someone if those options prove to be difficult.

Second. The Midway, on certain nights, tends to get quite packed. People are jostling, moving through the crowd. Some are getting drinks, some are dancing and ultimately most of these people will need to use one of the two bathrooms. (hint: this is near the photo hunt game)

Third. When you crowd in the minuscule “hallway” near the bathrooms you are bound to be bumped into. Don’t expect everyone to be apologetic for intruding on your personal space. We too have personal spaces.

Fourth: Your anger doesn’t entitle you to anything. And acting like a d-bag will pretty much bring that behaviour out in others. So here is where I’ll own up and apologizing for putting my elbow in the way of your back. But I didn’t see any other course of action when you were using your angry butch girth to try and squish me into a wall. It was either that or pull your hair, and I find hair pulling to be so unseemly.

Fifth. Just calm down. Deep breaths. Yoga, Something. Maybe take up a soothing hobby.

Just do what you need to do to bring a positive attitude where ever you go. That and be aware of your surroundings and remind yourself you are no more special than anyone else.

I’m so glad we feel close enough to be honest with each other. Thanks. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and that this missed connection touches you as you touched me last night.

Sincerely
Just Had to Pee

Amy Nom

2008-09-04T18:24:00.001-04:00

jus' 'cause.

Paula + Biden vs Obama = family arguments

2008-08-28T10:42:00.000-04:00

Most of you don't know Paula. But the reason for this blog is to have a place to keep all my BS. so:

Thirsty Grizelda?

2008-08-27T11:26:00.000-04:00

Dear Jean Hill,

You were splendorific as Grizelda. Your sex scene with Mink Stole was the first time I have ever seen men leave the room while two ladies were getting it on. Bravo. I cheered you killing the evil Mr. Gravel and his rot inducing touch. I welcomed you putting Peggy in her place. I laughed at your makeover. I guffaded at your dialoge. And I kicked my heels at your ability to aclimate with even the worst of surroundings (Mortville)
But most of all I lamented your untimely death. To have a house fall on you as if you were in a different move all together...so very sad.

Jean!? Are you still alive in real life? When ever I try to search for information about you I only get hits for a woman who was near JFK when he was killed. She doesn't look like you, so I'm guessing you are just two people, two people with the same name. So I'm stuck, not knowing if you are alive. Only having three movies to see you in. And really Grizelda was your shining part. A supporting part, none of this "extra" crap.

So Desperate Living all i have is some delightful quotes:

Peggy: Go ahead, feel her up! Just like you did to me! Find em, feel em, fuck em, forget em... is THAT your new motto?
Grizelda: Zip that gaping hole of a mouth up, Peggy, before I plug it up with my fist.
Peggy: You're just like all the rest of the common dykes in this town!

Grizelda:“I am sick of listenin’ to your bitchin’. The next time you feel a fit comin’ on, go outside and bitch. Bitch at the air. Bitch at the trees. But don’t bitch at us!”

Grizelda: We killed your husband, and I ain't your maid any more, bitch! I'm yo sister in crime!

Honestly John Waters, we need more Jean Hill. But she was in A Dirty SHame, you'll say. That wasn't a part. Not a part at all John. on that note, you're not writing Mink Stole very well anymore, but that's another blog.... So come on give me more Jean

More. More Jean

John. John, more Jean, Please.

Love Child

2008-08-21T16:13:00.000-04:00

So most soon to be parents really want to know what their baby will look like. Why? I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that knowing months ahead of time that you are going to have an ugly baby will ruin the miracle of birth.

That said, there are many websites (note: I am not sure that this is true) that will give you an idea of whether your bundle of joy will make people gasp with cuteness or horror. one of these sights is http://makemebabies.com. I'd like to point out here and now that I'm not sure how it works because I uploaded two ugly dogs (literally) and they came out with a human, albeit ugly, baby.

Munchkin & Sam

See human looking....

Now the reason for this post is for the baby that Salim and I will be having. I don't know if it is because Salim looks like a zombie, as mentioned in a previous post but....

Here it she is with minor edits.....

Munchkin

2008-08-04T16:00:00.000-04:00

So many of you, Amy most of all, think Munchkin is hideous. One friend went so far as to refer to her as a creepy cat thing.

Well after months of looking at her as my work computer background I have decided that she is ugly/cute and after reading her "bio" i heart her even more. [the bio is below the pictures]

Go Munchkin!!!!!

A lovely side view for you

here we have Munchkins most unnatractive photo which i think looks like Salvador Dali:

see i went so far as to submit the comparison to a website.

see more famous faces look-a-likes

Here we have the "cute" picture I have grown to love:

And finally what she would look like with a little trim:

http://www.ugliestdogs.net/WorldsUgliestDog2.html

"Munchkin is approximately 8 years old. Her dog breed is affectionately known as a “Canardly” (as in “you can hardly tell). She
could be part affenpinscher (monkey face) terrier but her vet is convinced she is a “one of a kind” unique dog.

I saw Munchkin’s photo in 2004 on Pets Unlimited website and laughed. Anything that tickled my tummy so much has to come
home with me. I drove to San Francisco and Paulie, the adoption counselor, took me to meet Munchkin. When she waddled &
snorted her way from underneath the adoption counselor desk, tears of joy welled up. She was identical to my previous 6-time
Worlds Ugliest dog, Nana; only 15 lbs. heavier!!! I sat on the floor and she leaned against me, looking up at me with her soulful
eyes, & rolled over for me to scratch her tummy. We bonded immediately and it was if she was asking “what took you so long to
find me?” Paulie noticed it was an obvious love connection and offered an “on sale” price of $75, a substantial reduction from the
regular adoption price (little did he know, I would have happily paid any price). Munchkin had been rescued from another animal
shelter just in time and had been at Pets Unlimited for 8 months with no interest by potential adopters. Pets Unlimited is located
in the heart of San Francisco’s hills among the Victorian homes. Pets Unlimited places poster size photos of available pets in the
large windows facing the busy street. As months went by, no one came for Munchkin until I came along. Why someone couldn’t
see her beauty & charm is beyond me.

Dogs like Munchkin don’t come around that often. She is special not just for her looks – but her personality which really shines
beneath all of those extra pounds. Visually she grabs you by the eyes, but emotionally she gets right into your heart with a sweet
kiss on the face or rolling over for a belly rub. As a pet therapy volunteer, Munchkin has helped so many people heal and find
comfort – whether she’s visiting a hospital for children, who giggle in delight when they see her or at a nursing home, making each
day brighter for a lucky resident, Munchkin was meant to be in the spotlight. Although she remained in a shelter for many, many
months, ignored and shown pity by those who visited, her new life has given Munchkin a better purpose in life – to make people
smile everywhere she goes. Her rags to riches story is truly a lesson for us all to never judge a book by its cover.

The reactions when people first encounter Munchkin vary. Because she snorts when she walks, and the hair on her back is short
& wiry, people ask, “what is that pig doing here?” Other people refer to Munchkin as a relative of Don King (boxing promoter) or
Cruella De Vil (from 101 Dalmatians) because her hair around her head & neck is very long, mostly gray, and stands straight up
without any “product” assistance."

Refuse vs Refuse

2008-08-04T14:51:00.000-04:00

Ok kids, i'm going to clear up some confusion. We all know the English language ~~is difficult~~ sucks. Some words are spelt the same but sound different, or sound the same but are spelt different. Come ON! Today lets look at Refuse.

re·fuse:
–verb (used with object)
to decline to accept; to decline to give; deny.

ref·use:
–noun
something that is discarded as worthless or useless; rubbish; trash; garbage.

Make sense? If not you can message me.

I was bored

2008-07-15T19:27:00.001-04:00

After a conversation with Amy I decided to make this

Batman Stuff

2008-07-14T12:30:00.001-04:00

So occasionally I like to microsoft paint up some pictures for photoshop contests.
What's that?
Yeah I know that microsoft paint isn't photoshop at all and I don't care.

So this week was Everyday Items Batman would have. Why not.

and

Joanna Newsom

2008-06-19T12:04:00.000-04:00

Do me a favour and watch this movie trailer for The Strangers.

Go on. Don't be scared.

Did you notice the part with the record player? Yep. Joanna Newsom.

Apparently her music was so frightening to some they decided that the creepy, masked killers that break into this house should play her to freak out Liv Tyler.

Hmmm

Flow Charts

2008-06-13T12:25:00.000-04:00

I was reading the onion today.
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/latest_cheney_tape_may_contain

The article reminded me of my Cheney flowchart. Which reminded me of flowcharts. so here:

and my corn one which was deemed by nerdy internet comedy bloggers as being funny.

Salim of the Dead

2008-06-03T17:17:00.000-04:00

Salim reminds me of a zombie from Land of the Dead. Here are the 7 reasons why:

1a. Salim drives a car
1b. The zombie worked in a gas station.

2a. Salim goes to lakes once in a while
2b. The zombie traverses water to leave the land of the dead and strike back at humanity.

3a. Salim wears collared shirts.
3b. The zombie mechanic’s onsie has a collar.

4a. Salim uses his leadership skills to instruct a murderous group of the shambling dead to enact revenge.
4b. The zombie uses his leadership skills to instruct a murderous group of the shambling dead to enact revenge.

5a. Salim shaves his head.
5b. The zombie is bald.

6a. Salim has gadgets and toys.
6b. The zombie has a weapon, which people think are toys.

7. And really, the proof is in the picture.

While we are at work I usually only see that much of Salims face. He peeks over the cubicle walls at me.

Stigmata #1

2008-05-07T18:26:00.000-04:00

For years I have been plagued by stigmata. Mostly by how it would realistically effect your life. So that is basically what this is. I, thus far, have 7 strips planned.

Just thought I would explain this to my ~~two~~ three readers. But then I guess you could just text me if you had any questions.

Stigmata #1

Click here for #2.

Bullock-Hallal Update 22 April 2008

2008-04-22T11:34:00.000-04:00

Well....

While drunk, Amy broke her restraining order. If any of you have ever walked the streets with Amy you'll understand her irritation and hatred towards SUVs and Hummers. She frequently flips them off.

Surprised she hasn't been shot or shot at? Me too.

So what happened? I theorize that she was shit-blasted drunk and as usual decided to flip off the SUV. Then when she was close enough to see the passengers she forgot herself. Her intention was to get as close to Sandy B as quickly as possible. Unfortunately for all involved she was driving.

Below is one of many news articles. This one is from Fox News. Amy's favorite news source, so i figure that will take the sting out of all these truth bombs I'm dropping.

Lesbians

2008-04-16T11:24:00.000-04:00

Ill conceived horror movie monster

2008-04-11T12:41:00.000-04:00

I like contests. If i make it in the article there will be a link.

Amy would hate for you to think she loves Sandra Bullock

2008-04-10T12:25:00.000-04:00

You may have heard from Amy that she hates Sandra Bullock. You may have heard this and believed it. It is true that she is a convincing liar and even had me fooled for a while. But you have to really KNOW Amy to know how much she actually loves Sandra Bullock or as she fondly calls her Sandy B for short.

Amy owns one Sandy B movie that I know of, Love Potion #9, perhaps you've seen it, or at least seen the cover which pictures Miss Sandy B right there bigger than life.

It is my opinion that she probably has more movies hidden in her room. Think about it. I just "happened" to be around when she received Love Potion #9 in the mail. What are the odds of that? If I see her get one Sandy B movie and she is trying to convince people she hates all her movies then statistically it goes to show that she must get more of her movies frequently, when I am not there to see and hides them in her room. One can only assume that she locks her door to watch Sandy B using her headphones so no one would hear the sound of the 40+ year olds voice.

Further proof is that Amy has been known to "slip up" during holidays. I was visiting with her and her family for Thanksgiving one year and Amy INSISTED on buying The Lake House to be viewed during Thanksgiving dinner. She couldn't wait to watch it on her own, alone in her room.

And the icing on this cake of fake hate; last night, while putting Amy's mail away in her room I saw this peaking out from under one of her books. I scanned it for all to see, for all to realize what a Sandra Bullock lover she really is.

She actually went out of her way to photoshop Sandy B into a picture with her. Who would do such a thing? Nobody but a rabid fan. And as you'll soon read....a stalker.

I guess Amy didn't think I read the news.

For Robin

2008-04-10T12:16:00.000-04:00

Robin requested I post my Lolcat Flowchart.

lolz! ^_^

NKOTB

2008-04-09T14:01:00.000-04:00

So they're back. If you look at the pictures below you will see that Jordan got seriously busted.

You aren't gonna get to this girl Jordan I don't care how many steps you've got.

If memory serves: Joey, Jonathan, Donnie, Jordan, Danny

see another picture another angle and still looking AWFUL.

for all of you who don't remember what they used to look like 20yrs ago I give you this...

They are touring again which is 2parts scary and 3parts awesome. Why is it scary? These words: New Material.
I guess Donnie is done acting and is writing up some new New Kids. I worry.

That all said let's get tickets.

CNN News - Homicide

2008-04-08T13:20:00.001-04:00

CNN News - Entertainment

2008-04-08T13:19:00.001-04:00

Is it possible to be a punk rocker in a goth gang?

2008-04-07T22:15:00.000-04:00

First The Ramones state that Sheena is a Punk Rocker, they are rather adamant about it, they repeat it (29 amazing punk rocky times). Then we fast forward 20 years and you have The Cramps telling us that she is in a goth gang now. While they don't repeat this sentiment as much (only 14 times) they do go into detailed description of her actions in her goth gang. You know, digging up graveyards being in forbidden vampire undergrounds, gothy stuff like that.

What happened? How did this transition occur? Was the change in music, style, beliefs or everything? How old was Sheena when she first identified as a punk rocker how old was she when she joined the gang? I know. Too many questions, we'll just deal with the potential style. After searching the internet I believe i have found accurate photo representation of the beginning and end of Sheena's transition. Please see below.

one of the images may be edited.

I find this similar to the change in Siouxsie and the Banshees' music as well as The Damned.

Siouxsie and the Banshees went from this:

to this:

Please don't misunderstand, I enjoy them both, everything in between and after.

On a side and final note; some could argue that Sid Vicious went this route, as he is now dead and there is nothing gother than death.